If You Can't Say "YES!" To These 2 Questions, Break Up With Them NOW?. “Wondering When to Breakup 2 Questions to Ask Yourself”
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In this video, I'm going to talk about when to break up with someone.
Now a caveat no one can tell you when to break up with somebody; this is such an internal and subjective experience that you've got to be the one who ultimately makes the final call because no one has the answer for you.
In this video, I will give you a couple questions that you can ask yourself that will help reveal and uncover your truth so you can move along in the process and get out of this place of questioning and wondering, whether or not you should stay or whether you should leave.
Sometimes when you're in a relationship, it can be easy to know when to leave a relationship because something the person is doing is in direct violation of a value that you hold may it be physical abuse, infidelity, or some type of addiction or something that they're doing that you just are not going to live with and it's cut and dry.
But there's other times when you're in a relationship we're just not sure if you love the person. You're not sure if the fights are worth it.
So the first question that I have for you that you can ask yourself to begin to unwrap this and find out whether or not you should go or whether you should stay is one that was inspired by a friend of mine who had recently got out of a 10-year relationship. Now after the relationship, she had felt a mix of emotions. Everything from extreme loss and regret to profound freedom and just knowing that it was right decision. When I asked her, how did you get to this conclusion that it was the right decision and finally pull the trigger to break up? She said a number of different things but one question she asked herself in particular I want to share with you.
The question was this, “if this relationship had only lasted say six months to a year and I've been in it and it had this exact same dynamic would I stay in it?” [01:52]
What that question does… the power that question is it allows you to really look at what you need presently. What they need presently. What the dynamic of you're currently living in to and recently have been living in to without muddying up all of the investment of time and energy that got you to this place. There is a term in poker called “Pot Heavy” where someone's got a bad hand and rather than fold and exit the game they stay in it and they keep anting in because they've already put so much money in the pot. They don't want to cut their losses and back away. So what this question does is it allows you to avoid that and to take a realistic inventory of where you're at in the relationship and what the last couple months or last year is actually looked like.
The next question is one that I use with clients in the past and I've also used with myself to determine whether or not I should be in something or whether I should move on and the question is this, “If you woke up tomorrow morning and let's pretend that you were now single, and he didn't have to go through the break-up, you didn't have to go through hurting the person, who didn't have to go through all of the mess and emotion that comes with breaking up with them, would you actively pursue getting back together with him? Would you actively pursue dating that person again and starting over?” [03:10]
Now what this does is it helps you get to the core of what is stopping you from breaking up.
So that question should help you get a little more clarity as to why you're staying in it and really what matters.
So those are the two questions that you can ask yourself and again you don't know one actually has the truth for you about whether or not you should leave or whether you should go.
This is completely up to you.
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